as a spur of the moment response, knee jerk reaction, or part of lovemaking purely for pleasure. Communication between giver and receiver is essential. If something is troubling either of you, bring it up. If either of you slowly become aware of an idea or concern, mention it. Remember, you're both doing the best you can do at each moment. Operate from a place of love, respect, and appreciation for yourself and each other. Sexual healing comes through surrender more than anything else. It takes courage, trust, and mutual support for this to gradually happen. Here are some suggestions to facilitate your partnership...   Guidelines For Both Giver & Receiver Stay as present as you can, tune into each other, and connect your energies -- this is more important than technique. Always stay relaxed -- if you lose it, simply breathe until you calm down. Keep it light, because you can't get it wrong -- whatever you do will move things forward. Don't try to be perfect -- approach this practice as playful children exploring a new game. Focus more on the process than any immediate outcome -- leave expectations that create performance pressure outside your Sacred Space. Remember that the way out is the way through -- the process that turned on discomfort, emotion, or pain from old memories is what will turn it off. You don't have to do everything at once -- start slowly and learn as you go. If you need to, come back again and again -- discharge as much old energy as the receiver can stand each time. If the receiver feels as if she can't go any further at any point, don't push her -- let her choose to move forward or to take a break. Agree on a signal word or motion that will cause you both to immediately terminate whatever you're doing -- "Stop!" or palms facing the giver will work. Let go of your goals for immediate breakthrough -- surrender to whatever happens each time and be open to multiple sessions. Healingtakesas long as it takes. This may be several contacts to awaken and release old encysted energy that's been hidden for years.   The Giver's Role Giver, here is your job description. We don't refer to this role as "healer" because Shakti, the receiver, really heals herself. But you do have a vital function to perform that can assist her in letting go of resistance. Ifyouchoose to help your beloved heal sexual resistance, be sure you decide to accept the role of giver freely, willingly, and for sincere reasons. Don't expect anything in return right away, or ever for that matter. Offeryourheartintotalserviceto the Goddess as manifested in the form of your partner. This is a divine gift that you can give. This privilege you're being entrusted with is the height of intimacy. Accept this role from a purely loving space because you want to give, not because you need to gratify your ego, satisfy yourself sexually, or get something back.